I made my choice.

Today, only hours ago, I decided to completely give up on the semester as a whole and try for a medical withdrawal. With letters from my counselor and doctor regarding the treatment I have been pursuing these few months, it should go thru. What am I thinking? Well, I don't know whether to return in the spring or return at all. And I think this was the most expensive mistake I have made thus far in my life, minus maybe three years ago with this the first time when I lost all chance of having my scholarships back. I have the decision of whether to attempt the finals and see what could happen case the MW doesn't go thru. Note my last one went thru but the profs decided not to grant the change. But I don't think it is worth it really. I have a few days I guess.

I missed 2 tests today. I don't know why. The first: my alarm wasn't set correctly and I woke up and realized that due to busing I would miss at least half of the test if not more. The second: I was at school and decided it wasn't worth it.

Let me say this: I believe education and knowledge are the most important things in my life. Or at least they have been. Gaining this immeasurable amount of knowledge has been my dream since I was a child. As my dad could easily tell you, I was in college to be a student. I didn't know when I was going to finish because I never really wanted to. I wanted to learn everything and share this knowledge with others. Somewhere in all this, I lost that desire to learn to learn and had to go to school to correct all my past mistakes. If I only had this grade or that GPA it could make 3 years ago go away. But, alas, while mathematically, I could still prevail and complete all my classes with enough to pull a 2.0 and continue at UH. The drive isn't there. Even with my love of math, I don't want to look at each test for the rest of my life and know what percent it is valued at and how that percent effects the grade and in turn the semester and the rest of my UH life. I do plan on continuing my education, but how and when I do not know. I remember loving to read, to attend class, and to tutor. But that love has been shadowed with my desire to prove myself. It's just that I realized that the only person I have to prove anything to is myself. And this kill myself method isn't doing anything for me right now.

I guess that is it for now, I am out. (worktime)

random song recommendation: Third Eye Blind: Third Eye Blind: Good for you