I am loving it! And I am not talking McD's

Okay, so there is the rundown promised yesterday.

I had a change of heart and decided that even if I do end up following the medical withdrawal path, I owe it to myself to try and see what could happen. I have contacted two profs and have decided to stick it out. While I imagine I will fail, why not go out with a bang. And the programming class I have passed all semester I will pass easily so why not finish. Okay, this is the fun part. To finish the semester without a medical withdrawal and suspension, I have to ace all 3 finals. I will still have to retake the 2 classes anyways, but let's not look at that right now. So, why do this. Because this is what I was born to do. I am supposed to be a student, absorbing knowledge. If I am going to be a papertowel, I am going to be a bounty or brawny. That was horrible I know. But I have only wanted to go to college to learn as much as I can. I wanted to go to great schools to learn even more and be on the edge of new knowledge and research. I care about gradestoo, all too much actually. But this semester, it isn't about grades. It is about actually believing that I can control what is happening to me. That I do have a say in these mood swings. That I am the person I want to be. That person is possible. Not walking away from my passion looking at myself like a failure. Okay, well, whatever happens, for these few days I am happy. I am not completely hopeless or helpless. I can help myself by having hope and faith in myself. For those people always being there, thank you. And when I try to push you away I don't really mean it. Look, I may never have the life I want, but the life I have I am going to do what I can with it.

A special note to D: Sometimes things suck. Sometimes life is crap. But for all that has happened in your life, all the sucky, crappy things, you have made it through. You are still waking up every morning and taking each day at a time, pushing on. Whatever it is you are dealing with now, you can make it through. You always have. Sometimes I am so selfish when I come to you with my issues, because I know you deal with the same ones and much harder ones as well. But I come to you time and time again because of your strength, your faith in the future and in others, and your desire to make your life the best it can be when handed the worst of situations. I know the climb to the top of a hill (or mountain) sucks, but the feeling at the top is worth it. I know you can overcome anything, even if you don't know it yourself.

people, with that, I am out. Must find food and practice triple integrals (which I actually like).

random song recommendation: Lisa Loeb: Firecracker: I do