Tuesday, January 31, 2006

So what did you do for the last hour?

I would like to make a quick post about the State of the Union address given earlier this evening.
Video, transcripts, information and highlights can be found here:



I found some of his statements refreshing, touching, and others perhaps scary and lacking. There were several statements of hope and faith that our country could overcome, and of course, applause followed. Parts of this evening's speech had some refreshing humor. I speak of the social security segment. To see the Democrats clap for their success was unexpected. Watching camera shots of Kerry and (H.) Clinton was also interesting. It forced me to wonder what the U.S. would be like under different leadership. I found the sentiments regarding lost troops and their families very touching. The letter read was patriotic and emotional. The family seen seated with the First Lady was enough to move me to tears. Though several Americans do question if these losses are in vain, and I fear for the lives of hundreds of young people in service.

I did not understand our foreign policy stance and how we plan to face Iran and the question of nuclear technology. With so much distress in Iraq and other nations around the world like North Korea and Afghanistan, I question how we have the ability to approach Iran even if we should.

I was not satisfied with the statements of education, health care, economy, job rates, or response to natural disaster. No comments were made about the funding of upper level education. Every year a college education becomes more expensive and harder to fund with less and less help. As more students succeed in high school, programs should be developed now to help them continue. Anyone who is poor or close to it knows that health care is a disaster. Most citizens get by on trying to be careful and hoping the pains that ail them will go away without treatment. Jobs and the economy do not look so good if you consider layoffs, corporate scandals, overseas contract workers, jobs with less benefits and higher turnover rates.

And while money has been coming from who knows where to reach out to Katrina victims, it isn't working. Here in Houston, people still receive money to live in hotels and apartments. Money from FEMA is being given to temporarily house people and not to help establish them long term in terms of preparing them to start new lives in other cities. Coverage isn't fair and usually is tied with delays. So many months after, parts of New Orleans still look like that of countries from the Middle East. Overall, I see efforts to help these people as being a temporary hand to hold and not solutions for rebuilding a city to what it once was. Whether we like to say it or not, several of those affected were living in poverty without enough aid from the government. Because of this natural disaster, now the country is trying to help. But such a task to provide wasn't feasible then and I don't believe it is now under current relief efforts and domestic policies. I do not mean for these comments to offend those who have suffered such losses and have found ways of coping and starting new lives. My comments are about policies we have at home, about the delays in help from the government that we have watched, and the records of crime and suffering reported here in Houston of those who 'settled' here.

In closing, the hour spent watching was an hour well spent. But, I would have left with a better feeling if I would have heard Domestic Policy first and foreign later with out the call to re-establish the Patriot Act and his statement about privacy. If the U.S. isn't careful in the near future, our poverty class will closely compare to the ones we are saying we are trying to help in other countries. A few more natural disasters, dips in the stock market or spikes in oil prices, factory closings, corporate scandals, etc and the U.S. will be looking in disbelief at what has become of the lower class wondering where the middle class went and how to fund the programs that should have been started ages ago.

Well, if I rambled, was off topic or didn't transition well, sorry. But, I worry about how our government chooses its battles and how they decide to overlook the rest. And I do worry that poverty isn't going to go away and that the people who somehow manage to hang on with a paycheck to paycheck mentality won't be able to as we head into the future only causing the lower class to consume the bottom half of the middle class. But hey, with several of our national leaders being millionaires (and you need to be to afford to run) maybe they aren't aware....

with that, I'm out.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Images of absolutely nothing


Tulips are my favorite flower. Pictured here are some white tulips that haven't begun to open. The trait I enjoy most of these flowers is the blooming; each day they look different and the final days look just as stunning as the first. This year bring home tulips in an array of colors instead of the ever so common roses.
1-30


I found this tree to be beautiful. To capture these images I had to use the action seating of my camera to capture the movement in the cool breeze of the evening.
1-29


This is one of a few shots that I tried through a window. It was raining, and I thought the raindrops in the foreground was a nice feature as well as its own filter for the photo.
1-28 (left)

Well on the day seen I took about 20 completely random shots of skies and plants. Something about this one got my attention. I think it was the variation in color and texture. The tree seems to be floating over the fence.
1-27 (right)


Well, I have another image this month almost exactly like this one. But I am still trying to capture evening skies in their true colors. It is hard for me to capture the light, its reflection, and the depth that I am trying for. I continue my efforts.
1-26 (left)

This is a picture of my stairwell as seen from the top of a bush. It is a view I would never have seen on my own with the leaves so clearly in the foreground while the stairs and lamppost seem to dwell in the distant background.
1-25 (right)

As I continue you to take completely pointless pictures (or at least that may seem to be the case to others), I hope this inspires you to take a look at your simple, ordinary surroundings a little differently and take in some of the beauty that is this world.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Can I quit now?

We are taught that you are never supposed to give up, throw in the towel, back down or walk away? So, why do I want to all the time?

I once read some exert from a book about walking away from unhealthy relationships and not feeling like a loser for doing so. I should have bought the book.

I find that everything I attempt I cannot complete. Or I don't want to. I want things in my life to go through cycles and then be over, to disappear. If I could have a new job every six months, it would be awesome. If I could forget that my mother exists, that would be nice too. If I could walk away from the crazy friendships I have and find healthy ones, that would be a godsend. So, why can't I? Is it okay to quit? Or is this my way of giving up, thinking things hurt me when perhaps they do not? I always find myself wondering how much can I handle mentally and emotionally. And when I find something that could kill me, I play with it and feed it. I am not talking objects or deadly animals here; I am speaking of situations I allow myself to fall into. But, it's like playing with fire. How many times do I have to be burned before I quit? So, is it okay to walk away? To find new passions, friends, loves? To find something that I actually enjoy doing or being a part of? To find a piece of stable ground?

I know I can perceive quitting as both a good and bad thing. I know I can see the battles in my life as both good and bad. For, where would I be or who would I be without those previous wars? I guess I just thought that as I battled all those times before, danger would be easier to recognize the next time around.

There is no answer to be given. No one to discover the 'right' path but myself. Perhaps, I just wish the people in these battles that I am fighting for or against knew.... But if they did, the emotional hell that I am always living in wouldn't exist.

And now, there is nothing to say. With that, I am out.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

A bit of honesty....

You guys I am not doing too good really. I am stressing at work and with financial matters. This being my first semester out of school in some time is also making me itch. I want so desperately to be in school but cannot seem to handle the stress that I apply to myself. I want to continue studying and work with some programming languages outside of school. I want so much so to get my life in order but cannot understand how to do so. I am keeping up with the photo a day thing, but only for my own enjoyment as no one seems interested in it but myself. I know in a few more weeks it will be just another chore that I foresee myself dropping. Tomorrow, I attend my last counseling session at UH. I am scared and have asked myself what am I going to say. The only thing I see myself saying is.....

I have no purpose. I have no direction. There is no way to correct the situation I have created for myself. And there is no one to blame, but myself. And for all the things I hate and the people I feel failed me, I did this. What do I live for? And if this is living, then why should I want it? Am I supposed to be looking towards a future that may never come hoping? And will I ever see myself as anything but a horrible failure? What do you do when no one wants you and there isn't anywhere to go? What do you do when you want to scream your pains to the world and you feel in the whole world there isn't a person who would hear if you did?

And what I will actually say will be something much similar to this.....

I will be fine. I am going to get through this. This something I feel I like I have learned from and made me a stronger person. I believe I have the strength to look to tomorrow and find a way to solve this problem.

I don't know why I lie to myself and others. I don't know why I fear my medication. And I am not sure when I gave up on myself. But I lie to everyone, struggle with treatment, and have no faith whatsoever in myself. Maria (the woman who gave birth to me) seems to think this is something I leave in God's hands. I don't believe God removes these types of diseases. I believe your mind is something you must have strength to control. Unfortunately, I have lost mine[mind]. And I am not sure that I have the ability to gain control of my life and stop making the mistakes that I repeatedly make. But this message to the world will only find deaf ears.....

To the few who find time to help me in their busy, stressful lives, thank you for holding my head above water. But I know eventually I will have to do it myself, and when that time comes when you aren't there, I pray I am stronger than I am now or have ever been.......

A Look to the Trees


Just some shots of a lovely, young evergreen.
1-24


The only way you know it is winter in Houston is the trees without leaves because the weather is warm and breezy.
1-23

Sunday, January 22, 2006

A Time to Post (Pictures) Part II

Today was a beautiful, rainy day. The day that requires naps and hours in pj's and sheets. The rain was much needed. For my photo, I tried to capture rain drops on one of my plants outside. I was scared to take several shots and potentially damage my camera with water, but I do think this image captures an element I was looking for.
1-22


So for those of you who don't know, I have been trying to take up cooking or at least relearn what I have forgotten. This was my attempt at Baked Cod. Um, I think it tasted okay but it lacked a little something. I think as I age I will become more aware of spices. I had a lovely little dinner at home with a movie (see posting about previous Saturdays). I want to continue cooking more, so that maybe someday I can entertain and feel confident about the dishes I serve.
1-21

A Time to Post (Pictures)









Pictured here are 2 yellow roses found on the rose bush outside my window. Each day another opens alittle more. While roses are not my favorite flower, I find the blooming of all flowers beautiful. The color of these blooms seems to lighten through the process.
1-20

As you all know I have been taking photos of the sky. It seems no matter what I do sometimes I just cannot capture the color seen on film. Photos of the sky also become somewhat difficult because there isn't a lot of open sky when you are surrounded by a large city and the powerlines and buildings of that city. This photo was taken in the early evening as the wind blew and the clouds drifted across the sky.
1-19









I have noticed that with a lot of my shots I am capturing movement. I find that I am almost shaking when I take these photos. This has forced me to realize that I need a tripod for my camera to work with close up shots. Though I must admit I like the affect on the image, I believe this is a new problem because so many of my images are taken when I am zooming in, whereas in previous photographs with 35mm film, zoom wasn't an option, nor was immediate viewing to capture mistake. Both images are of the same tree at same time of day with different lighting and angles.
1-18









I have been taking photos in the evening a lot with this project. I have been trying new things with my camera. I was surprised how the flash can change a photo so quickly. Both photos were taken within seconds of each other in a dark room. One with no flash and the other with.
1-17

Monday, January 16, 2006

It looks like cloudy skies and rough sailing

Well, today rain was in the air. I am not sure if you can smell rain, but you could feel it. The air and the quietness. And all the predictions (thanks weather center). These are the clouds above the apartments before the rain. We ended up having a downpour just after the sun had set (hours after photo). The clouds seen here only gave a slight drizzle. The area needed the rain. Hopefully, all the areas that have been hit with grassfires lately can breathe a sigh of relief for just a few days.

1-16

I woke up to pink light shining in my window. It was actually so beautiful that I stepped out onto the porch with camera in hand in pj's to try to capture the color. The pic doesn't seem to do justice. While I am not the most religious person out there, seeing a beautiful sky seems proof to me that there must be a higher power.

1-15

This picture of a birthday card is for all the birthdays that start on 1-14. Almost everyone I know seems to have a birthday in Jan. or Feb. To you all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!



1-14

Pictured is a closeup on the bark of a tree. I will say that I enjoy nature photos. Taking photos of living plants is amazing to me. You capture something on film that is usually completely overlooked otherwise. I would like to take this photo again in different light and try to capture more texture.

1-13

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Alone in a crowd

It was a slow day spent at the comp. And yet I couldn't find the time to write real posts. It was a beautiful day outside, and I avoided it for no real reason. I have prefected some su duko stategies. Gotta love numbers. I did venture into downtown this evening to capture a few shots. For fun, I drove home a way I had never gone. And I didn't get lost. I don't think I could in Houston. The explorer in me emerges.

I must say every day I realize more and more how invisible I really am. I hate it. This huge city, and I am alone.

With that, I'm out.

and all at once .... there was a post


Okay, so I am keeping up with the pictures, but not the posts. But that is okay, right. Besides I was worried about running out of things to say everyday for the entire year and songs to recommend. So from now on, I am going to keep up with the photos and post when I can. Dates will be included for the photos. Left photo:1-11. Right photo:1-10.

songs: Oasis: (What's the Story) Morning Glory: Wonderwall
& The All-American Rejects: Move Along: Dirty Little Secret

Monday, January 09, 2006

Things aren't always what they seem

Today was a strange day. I am pretty sure I am losing my mind. Things make me more and more uncomfortable and take longer. But on a good note, today I actually managed to drop off some recycling, add a fuel treatment for the car, check my mail, and cook a meal. I wonder if my life will ever make sense to me enough that I will be able to do a day's work without having to try so hard.

song: Air: Talkie Walkie: Mike Mills

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Where the pretty ones go

For those of you who don't know or have never seen my apartment. I keep a wall of photos. This year's lovely photos will be framed and added to this wall. I had better start taking some nice shots, huh.
Well, tomorrow is my day off, hopefully, I can get caught in various things online and around the home.

I chose the song from the movie, because I felt like I could walk down a lonely street to this song too. I know I usually don't tell why I have chosen a song, but this one was different.

song: Guster: Keep It Together: I hope tomorrow is like today also heard on Wedding Crashers

Saturday, January 07, 2006

any given saturday

Well, as yet another Saturday night arrives with no plans or friends in sight, I drive to my local redbox for movie comfort. I even chose two movies I have seen and wanted to buy. I opted to rent to save a few bucks. Technically, I should have gone movie-less to save the few bucks, but whatever.

If you are unaware of the movie vending machines that are REDBOX, check the site for locations (limited cities) and details (somewhat limited). If you are a REDBOX user, signing up for email updates can result in some much needed promo codes. http://www.redbox.com

I'm out.

Friday, January 06, 2006

there isn't anything to say...

Today, there really isn't anything to say or a song to recommend. I just wanted to take a photo and post. This is me trying to take my photo.

I'm out.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

a day in the gutter but not at the lanes

First of all, I did take the photo before leaving for work, so I am keeping up with the photos daily but not the posting. I do enjoy taking care of my plants around the home; only sometimes they get just slightly neglected. Pictured is one of the plants thriving on little sun and water.

Today was a horrible day for me at work, and it killed my spirit. It was just enough to remind me that I am still sick. That I still struggle everyday to be 'magically better'. At least when I felt the true desire to quit, I didn't. But to be honest, debt was the only thing keeping me from walking out on yet another job.

I will get back on track with my life and with my writing. I am surely going to get to those TIME articles. (though, I already have another I want to pick apart from this week's issue) For those of you keeping up with the Stephanie Blog, things will get better. They have to.

song: Goo Goo Dolls: Dizzy Up the Girl: Iris

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Quiet day enjoying something I have learned to hate

I love and hate bowling. I love it because it can be so much fun, and I despise it because it is another way I can beat myself up. Why isn't my average higher, why am I releasing wrong, why does the ball have such a long hang time? yes, I am serious... It is so strange; I could be beaten by a million people at any sport or game and really not care. But if I don't do as good as or better than I have before, it haunts me. Photo of the day is one I tried to capture of my brother bowling an awesome game. I was later told that my few photos and use of flash had disturbed league bowlers. It's a shame because I was disturbed by the weird drunk guy beside us who claimed to be new at bowling with his personal bowling ball, bag, and shoes. Anyways, thanks to my brother for an interesting, fun day. Yes, I am really aware that I am too aware of people around me. But I see everything, every little thing gets to me. It is a shame that I am so uptight. It isn't who I want to be.

So, today was the promised review of the TIME articles but that will be slightly delayed. I hope to include tomorrow before work.

song: The Postal Service: Grey's Anatomy sdtk: Such great heights

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

a slow day....

Today's photo is of the tree that was Christmas 2005. As my friends and family know, I always go for a planned/themed tree. This one was all red, white, and silver dusted in snow and wrapped in snowflake ribbon. Next year will be I hope the year I do snow, snowflakes, and snowmen. I worked today for a bit and came home to try some clean up around the house. I must admit the packing of the Christmas decor takes time.

In tomorrow's post I hope to include my reviews on Time's "Persons of the Year" and Time's "Pictures of the Year" articles. Time is a wonderful magazine that I enjoy reading, but tomorrow I hope to share with you my own feelings of 2005 and my response to Time's portrayal of a year of tragedy. I would like to start exploring topics other than myself in my writing and posts. Hopefully, tomorrow will be the first of several enjoyable posts about our world and society.

song: Coldplay: X&Y: Speed of Sound

Monday, January 02, 2006

Taking down the decor

Today on my day off, I began removing the outdoor decorations. I love Christmas decorations, but it was time to begin the decluttering of my apartment.

I hope everyone is doing well in the new year. I feel as if I am lacking motivation and have no direction. I am just drifting. I hope as the year continues, I find what I am looking for. I hope I make things work. I have to believe that I will.

Song: Jem: Finally Woken: Just a Ride

Sunday, January 01, 2006

The New Year


As you all know, millions of people will be using blogs to track trends and resolutions this year. And I feel of course that I must join in but in a different way.

I made a goal to take a picture everyday of the year and it can be of anything. There are no rules to the plan. I am keeping folders on my computer of the images, and the ones that I choose will be printed and framed as part of the decor for my apartment. In telling you this, I know the photos may be good or they may be crap. And they may or may not have meaning. I decided to do this, because as long as I can remember, I have liked taking photos. It's time for me to get in touch with what I want in my life. And for me to figure out what makes me happy.

Note: I will be keeping a better update of events in my life and updating on the last few weeks with the holidays and school, and of course keeping the song recommendation thing going too.

Song: Enya: Amarantine: Amarantine