This is how it is.

Well, I have half a post written about some movie recommendations that I haven't taken the time to finish. I should. I am working a lot right now at Best Buy and on the side in the floral world. I am keeping busy enough to stress about everything but money. I figure at least for a few weeks I got that under control. I had a moment this past week where I was ready to walk out on some of the situations in my life. I prolly should have. Like I said: stressed. Well, once a few things settle down, I hope to get back to the posts every few days. You imaginary readers out there and Elle (the only real one I know of) don't give up on me. I will return.

well, I am out and off to bed!

Comments?

People, I need comments. If you see this page, whether you know me or not, give a little shout out. I want to know if I am making sense to anyone. And I would kinda like to think my idea of imaginary readers isn't true. So, I want to post some more later on. I have been working on a list of short reviews on some films I have seen lately. If you, the reader, exist, please check back for it.

There is no title.

There is no title because I don't even know where to begin. I somehow hope that I can just start typing, and then it will be all out there and off my chest.

Today, something quite strange happened to me. Usually, every action has a reaction. But today my actions had none. That is to say there was no emotional reaction. Now for all you science buffs, something not occurring when it normally should still counts as a reaction. And yes I know I am skewing the whole concept by counting emotional reaction, but just roll with me here. I sat waiting for my mind to kick in and tell me what to feel, and there was nothing. Good, bad. Big, small. Happy, sad. Positive, negative. Nothing. And then it hit me, after an hour or so of trying to trick my mind into feeling something, anything; this inability to feel broke my heart. While I should have been happy that maybe I am no longer wearing my heart on my sleeve and that I can handle life now, I was angry, sad, and shocked. As those slowly faded away, there was just one feeling. As I have said before and will say million times more, regret (to me) is the worse feeling to ever know. There is nothing you can do to change the situation that you yourself caused, and you are forced into acceptance whether you like it or not. So, here I am, confused and broken-hearted because I let myself come to a point in my life where my actions don't affect me [emotionally]. I live off my emotions. Those emotions tell me how to respond to life and how to judge myself. And at the end of the day, I was left with just one emotion, regret, my ultimate nightmare. Regret for doing something, but not because it was stupid, dangerous or bad, but because it was meaningless.

If there is to be a lesson in all this, it would be to live. To live with passion and hope and happiness and even sorrow. To know your actions have reactions. To feel. I was foolish to ever long for a day to come when life didn't touch me. Yes, at one point, I thought numbness could trump it all. This is hard to write, because there isn't anything to be done. I can't change what finally pushed be across a line I have been approaching for as long as I can remember. I can't change the fact that months ago, today's events were supposed to be an accomplishment. And I don't know where to go from here.

So, here is to a messy, uncompleted entry for my loyal, imaginary readers. As it seems it was hard to begin, hard to write, and hard to end.

with that, I'm out.

Note: This entry was posted a day late due to internet connection failure.

Time for a lesson with a smile!

Who doesn't love geography? Wow, let me just say the Animaniacs were awesome. And don't get me started on the awesomeness of Pinky and the Brain.

well, it's a slow night tonight but I will be sure to write more in the near future.

I'm out, bitch. (cuz I am definitely, not rich.)

It's time to watch the news and open your eyes.

Readers, I ask you to open your eyes and look at the country you find yourself in.

These first 2 weeks of Sept. mark a year since H. Katrina, five years since 9/11, and months before midterm elections. Now more than ever, you must look at how your government officials have represented you. Note: most would say failed.

A year after the country's worse national disaster, a city is still in rumbles, dead remain unfound or await burial, people fear their home city will never be functional as it was (if it was), and the country still lacks a functioning approach to handle this disaster or future catastrophes that may occur. The blame and responsibilities have been passed around like a hot potato and it is time for some one to step up to the challenge, be it an organization at federal or state level. It isn't just about New Orleans though. Several areas faced severe natural disasters last year that need support.

I must say that after years of talk of the War on Terror, Op. Iraqi Freedom, National security, the "other" war, etc. we find ourselves with little results. We were told the war against Iraq was part of the war against terrorism and yet nothing could be heard of our progress in Afghanistan. Now called the 'other war' by the media, we are told that our troops will be met with more resistance there. In Iraq, our troops are part of a civil war (?) which results in Iraqi civilian casualties daily. There is no sign of leaving or giving the govt we helped establish full control of their own resources or troops. There is even the question of how we have made Iraq worse for its citizens and opened it up to more terrorist activity. Bush has gone on to deliver several speeches over the last few days about the need for continued support in the war in Iraq and against terror, wars that the majority don't believe we are successful in or should be in at all. And yet as we continue to fight terrorists, we still learn of more weaknesses in our national security.

Other issues like economy, social security, immigration reform and national borders, and education need attention. International issues are still there like Iran and its nuclear technologies.

Maybe, you don't trust polls and news programs that show only brief clips of stories you don't know the details for. Perhaps you look at the news and media as companies producing fear and distrust which I believe some are. Perhaps you don't know how many deaths have occurred because of these wars or how much they cost. Perhaps you are comfortable in your life ignoring these problems. You must open your eyes, question what you hear and what you don't, and you must vote in 2 months for those congress seats that will shape the next two years of our country. So, do a little research. It isn't just who is a Democrat or who is a Republican; it is about how they will react to these problems we face together or how they have proven they can't.

Some websites that might provide you with information:

The White House
U.S. Senate
House of Representatives
The New York Times
CNN

Please take the time to look at the bigger picture. Look at where our country is going. Question how the problems you ignore now while haunt you in the future (taxes, worse domestic policy, more American hatred). Hold accountable those who choose our actions.

In reading this, please know that I support our troops and the belief of freedom, and do not question those. I, as a citizen, question our leaders and how they have not acted to protect our nation, our troops, and its resources.

with that, I'm out.

Blogging to me.

I, like millions of people, play on myspace.com daily. (Feel free to click on the link featured on the right.) But, I haven't really found the blogging experience I was looking for. Most individuals don't utilize the blog feature, and it seems to have a touchy setup behind it. I love what blogging is about though. To me, it is sharing your view, message, and life with the world. It is the easiest way to be the writer you never knew you could be. I guess I would love to see more people interested in sharing themselves through words than risque- photos and crap slogans. I am curious about the random guy's view on government, society, life lessons, media/entertainment, etc. I hope that in your reading of my blog you find insight to who I am, what I enjoy, and how I see the world and the ripples I create in it. I don't see a blog as just a summary of the day's events, and I hope you don't see mine in that light. Please throw out comments about topics and interests, please send links of blogs that you find enjoyable. Now, more than ever, there are so many topics I want to share even if it is from the stand point of the random girl and her thoughts.

Blogging to me. Is it different for you?

Where did August go and is it time for fall?

People, August went by way too fast for me, and I believe I have a reason. I only had one job. It created a large amount of fake free time. Fake free time, you ask. Well, when the working slowed, the sleeping doubled. I slept through August, and maybe I was right to do so... it was hot. But I was still working and at a job 45 mins away from my current sleeping spot, a nice airmattress in an otherwise not nice place, the days were quickly gone none the less. (Shout outs to my brother for being the best roommate I have or will ever have though.) So, the florist gig didn't work out again. Somethings are meant to fall apart. I give myself a B for effort, but my interest for all things floral has not yet disappeared. So, there could be hope in the future. The living situation.... humm. While I get my act together and find an apartment that actually has a half decent management staff and a parking lot that doesn't look like it was featured in a scary movie, I am chilling in a little 2br apt with my brother. He is driven and busy. I am not. Because of our work schedules and the previously- mentioned sleeping, we really don't have time to have issues with each other. Not that we would, because my brother is driven, busy, the best roommate ever, AND he is laidback. So, we are cool. I was saying before: August was toasty. It was, and with no air in the truck on the drive to work, it made for torture. That phrasing there looks bad. Feel free to reread and clean it up in your head. But, there are signs that fall is slowing rolling in. And if by chance you have missed them, I am going to take a moment and point out the truly obvious ones for you. 1. You(I) can walk outside maybe once a week and not want to cry from the heat because you(I) feel a little breeze, a sign of good things to come. 2. TV shows are actually new and they have commercials everywhere telling you when they start up and when you can buy last season on DVD. 3. All magazines and retailers are parading fall lines with sweaters and jackets so stuffy that you could never attempt to wear them here for fear of drowning in your own sweat. 4. Said retailers are finally sold-out of the swimwear that went clearance in May/June; hope you won't need a suit til Feb. next year. 5. Some people just celebrated Labor Day by working for OT or shopping FALL sales, a true sign that fall is upon us.

Well, that was August, and Autumn nears. I must say this to me is the most romantic season and gives you just enough time to prepare for the endless stress of the holidays. People, tie an unneeded scarf around your neck, snuggle with your guy/gal, start budgeting for Christmas and for all the things you want for yourself that will of course go on sale, smile at the clouds, play in the cool rain, and wish for all the drama that is hurricane season to be over all the sooner.

with that, I am out!

It's the middle of the night and I think I might actually write.

So, it is the middle of the night, and I am tired but surely unable to sleep, so I was thinking of posting a string of short pointless blogs to get things rolling again. I hope anyone new to my blog takes some time to scroll through the year; it could be interesting perhaps. I do find looking back quite intriguing myself, because I frequently forget things that are recorded for me. Well, hope you enjoy!

I am here and writing.

Well, I have decided to return to the blogger world. I never really wanted to leave, but I had let myself get wrapped up in my 2 jobs. So, I am going to do a quick catchup for any people who still check this out. And for the record, if I was reading your blog before when I was writing, I continued to read it even when I wasn't writing. Just so you guys out there know.

Let's See. Where would I like to begin? Okay, I will begin with what has become my life.

Work.
I am currently working two jobs. I am still working at Best Buy, and the number of hours varies (4-12). I do actually like working there at times. I have good days and bad days, but that is the same anywhere. My full time job is the florist. I have decided to start blogging for the shop so I will update with a link in the future. I work there fulltime (40-50(and up) hours). I only get over 45 or so for holidays like Mother's Day which turned out to be not so bad. I have had one day off this whole month (today). I received a text message saying my schedule had been changed; I was supposed to work today. So, at the florist, I do arrangements and everything else in running the shop. The pictures from a month or so ago were of my first attempts at arrangements. I can already look at them and think they are disasters. So, I am getting better, but I am also having problems. I am trying to learn so much about flowers, plants, management, etc that it is tiresome. The shop isn't doing as well as I need it to or want it to. I don't know how to 'fix' it. I am considering taking a class to improve my work. Another thing. The shop is owned by a close family friend. So, when I don't do well, I feel like I am letting down this family. The emotional tie I have is not good from a business stand point. But it is an opportunity that I would never have had otherwise. More will follow about work later.

Health
My mental health is not good. It's bad actually. Everyday something happens in my mind that I wish wouldn't. I am letting it consume me. I have decided to persue treatment again. Much to my regret. I am not eating healthy either, as it seems my car lives in a drive thru lane. I have decided, however, to get my body in shape and am currently considering joining a gym to help get myself on the right track.

Hobbies
Well, I am not reading at the moment. I manage to get thru the sales paper section of my Sunday paper usually by Friday. And I read old floral magazines about arrangements, flowers, and product availability. As far as the photography, it comes and it goes. I want to take my life back. I think reading and taking pictures was something that kept me sane, which at the moment I cannot say I am. I am still interested in the arts and have seen the ballet again. I am loving Miller Outdoor right now and hope to make it to a few things in June even if I am flying solo.

Relationships
Well, some things change, and some never do. For me, it is the latter. I am happy, I guess. I want something I will never have. And as time goes on, I begin to think less of what I want and try to find some happiness in what I have. I am now happy to say completely over my ex. Wow, after some 3 years. Hahah. So pathetic. This situation I am in now helped me walk away from the unhealthy attachment I had to the past. But I worry if I have found myself in a recurring pattern. I continue to see other people but as friends. God knows that I couldn't handle being in a real relationship even if I wanted one. I have too many things going on in my head that it would be a struggle. And the idea of giving up what little I do have with this guy I have grown to love is something that I don't want to consider at the current time.

Well, there is so much more to share with you few readers, but it isn't going to happen today. I would say check back soon. I miss writing to you guys and sharing my crazy world. I am going to get my life in order. And if working 2 jobs, working out at the gym, eating better, taking my crazy pills, fighting my budget, reading, sleeping with one guy while dating others casually, taking pictures, and blogging is what I have to do than so be it.

With that, I think I am out.

Song Recommendations:

The Fray: How to Save a Life: Over my Head (Cable Car)

Red Hot Chili Peppers: Stadium Arcadium: Dani California
Anna Nalick: Wreck of The Day: Breathe (2am)
Natasha Bedingfield: Unwritten: Single
Jason Mraz: Waiting for My Rocket to Come: You and I Both

Have you found videos or links that no longer work? Sorry for that. I would check them every once and a while, but it does take time. Time I don't have. All links will be checked from this point. Thanks.

I have disappeared.

Well, I have been putting everything I got into work. I gave up on the picture thing. I just could not keep up. I am trying to sleep as much as possible, but what I am getting doesn't seem to be enough. I am stressing myself out over countless issues and I am losing it. Well, that is the update for any people who still check this thing.

maybe when I get my life in control, I can get back to the picture and post thing. I was really enjoying it at times.

stephie.

I am watching you!

Haha! Yea, I like Get Fuzzy. What ya going to do about it?

You don't even want to know...

...how behind I am with photo posting. And I hate to say this, but I got really busy with work and some personal issues. So, a few days are missing completely from the project. Yet, I continue.

Minute Maid/ 4-8

It looks like no images were captured on 4-5, 4-6, 4-7. I can't believe I missed that many days. It's sad actually.


lilies/basket
4-4/4-3

scary/spring2
4-2/4-1


arch (1& 2)/3-31

night 3-30


spring/rose
3-29/3-28


blanket/office
3-27/3-26


rose/made
3-25/3-24

No images were taken for 3-22 and 3-23. The first time I truly got off track with this goal. Oh well.

betty(the bird that nests in my plant)/3-21


me/3-20


me/water
3-20/3-19


letter(never to be sent)/lips
3-18/3-17


moon/netflix
3-16/3-15

Shakira at her finest...

Hips Don't Lie

I like both of these.

La Tortura

That is a little steamy. Makes me want to start singing in Spanish or grab a dictionary.

Whenever, Wherever

Do you remember how popular this was back in the day?

Chuck Norris: Facts and Videos

People, Chuck Norris Facts and Videos are everywhere. I recommend killing time by checking out the site and google-ing videos done by Conan. I haven't been able to include some of the videos found because they are often removed quite quickly off of youtube because of copyright issues. Facts posted here are drawn from the site and are not my own.

Chuck Norris Facts

Some of the more unknown facts:

• Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
• CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
• Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The list goes on...
The Facts:


Before Jackie Chan, there was Karate Commandos:

For those of you who think this is just the dumbest thing you have ever seen, you will live even if you lost these past 5 minutes.

Shorts and Commercials

Jack in the box:



The VW un-pimp your ride commercials:




as always more will follow in the future...

if you are looking to kill time, jump over to following videos:
Excessive Force (more Jack fun)
Fellowship 9/11 (for those who dislike Michael Moore)

if you are looking for Brokeback spoofs:
Brokeback to the Future (prolly funniest I have seen)
The following lack something:
Brokeback Hogwarts Brokeback Mount Doom Star Wars: The Empire Brokeback

You won't believe how many of these exist... Do I think it's right? No, but people get bored, and I do too. I found ones with Spongebob, penguins, etc. More can be found at ifilm.

Well, I am out for now. And if you have watched even half of these, you are prolly bored out of your mind.

Harry Potter, opinions revealed

Well, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire hit store shelves only a week ago on DVD. And talk has been everywhere. Today, I feel the need to share with you my thoughts on the book vs. movie, the single vs double disk, and other things HP.

First, anyone who has read the book knows a zillion interesting plot twists are missing from the movie. The movie is missing all class scenes but one, house elves, Mr Crouch's story, Rita's story, the World Cup, some many other great details. Now I know the movie can't be 4 hours long, but some of these cuts resulted in a movie that looked chopped up to true HP fans. Additions with task 1 and major changes with task 3 were interesting but left me wanting what had played out in my head both times I read the book. These changes have also made me question how HP5 will be done to cover the omitions. After watching the movie, I had to remind myself the setting was a school, because I didn't see any interesting magic lessions minus 3 curse lesson early on. And if you notice, two of our favorites Ron and Hermoine aren't even given one task that requires a wand. Or at least I didn't see one. So, do I recommend the movie? Sure, why not. Do I think it does the book justice? not even close. People, read the book. twice.

Now, the release of Goblet. This was the first time Harry Potter was released as a single and double disk set. And the double wasn't offered in full screen for those few people who like full. So, are the extras worth it? Well, the extras do include how the 3 tasks were filmed and an interview with our 3 wizards. I haven't found any easter eggs, but I guess they could exist. The double is good for those of you have the collection already started and want a little extra info about the film while in production. The release with the one and two disks resulted in a higher sale price for the film compared to past movies, but I imagine it was about money. There has also been talk about the length of the movie compared to its theatrical counterpart. It is said that scenes are missing from the movie and the deleted scenes that were in the the version seen in the UK and here(?). Whether this is true or not, I do not know. I could have swore something more went down with Mr. Crouch being found than that little flicker on the screen. But perhaps not.

Now, more HP. HP5 will have a new director so HP5 holds new possiblities. With Order, we can expect more action and character development. According to imdb.com and mugglenet.com, it is already being filmed and due out next year. I look forward to corrections made and hopefully J. Williams is back on board. I can't handle another boring score from this new guy.

That is it for now. I'm out!

It's Picture Time! (part 1)

It is time for new photos. I hope you guys have a chance to check 'em out.


grow/leaf
3-14


growth/last one
3-14/3-13

me/me2/curve 3-12


light/breezy
3-11/3-10

It's Picture Time! (part 2)

downtown/water
3-9


fav/hp4
3-9/3-8


friends/classic myspace
3-7/3-6


me/me2
3-6

It's Picture Time! (part 3)

levels/lovely
3-5


wrist/roses
3-4/3-3


sky and bird/e
3-2/3-1


bird/more clouds
2-28