This is how it is.

Well, I have half a post written about some movie recommendations that I haven't taken the time to finish. I should. I am working a lot right now at Best Buy and on the side in the floral world. I am keeping busy enough to stress about everything but money. I figure at least for a few weeks I got that under control. I had a moment this past week where I was ready to walk out on some of the situations in my life. I prolly should have. Like I said: stressed. Well, once a few things settle down, I hope to get back to the posts every few days. You imaginary readers out there and Elle (the only real one I know of) don't give up on me. I will return.

well, I am out and off to bed!

Comments?

People, I need comments. If you see this page, whether you know me or not, give a little shout out. I want to know if I am making sense to anyone. And I would kinda like to think my idea of imaginary readers isn't true. So, I want to post some more later on. I have been working on a list of short reviews on some films I have seen lately. If you, the reader, exist, please check back for it.

There is no title.

There is no title because I don't even know where to begin. I somehow hope that I can just start typing, and then it will be all out there and off my chest.

Today, something quite strange happened to me. Usually, every action has a reaction. But today my actions had none. That is to say there was no emotional reaction. Now for all you science buffs, something not occurring when it normally should still counts as a reaction. And yes I know I am skewing the whole concept by counting emotional reaction, but just roll with me here. I sat waiting for my mind to kick in and tell me what to feel, and there was nothing. Good, bad. Big, small. Happy, sad. Positive, negative. Nothing. And then it hit me, after an hour or so of trying to trick my mind into feeling something, anything; this inability to feel broke my heart. While I should have been happy that maybe I am no longer wearing my heart on my sleeve and that I can handle life now, I was angry, sad, and shocked. As those slowly faded away, there was just one feeling. As I have said before and will say million times more, regret (to me) is the worse feeling to ever know. There is nothing you can do to change the situation that you yourself caused, and you are forced into acceptance whether you like it or not. So, here I am, confused and broken-hearted because I let myself come to a point in my life where my actions don't affect me [emotionally]. I live off my emotions. Those emotions tell me how to respond to life and how to judge myself. And at the end of the day, I was left with just one emotion, regret, my ultimate nightmare. Regret for doing something, but not because it was stupid, dangerous or bad, but because it was meaningless.

If there is to be a lesson in all this, it would be to live. To live with passion and hope and happiness and even sorrow. To know your actions have reactions. To feel. I was foolish to ever long for a day to come when life didn't touch me. Yes, at one point, I thought numbness could trump it all. This is hard to write, because there isn't anything to be done. I can't change what finally pushed be across a line I have been approaching for as long as I can remember. I can't change the fact that months ago, today's events were supposed to be an accomplishment. And I don't know where to go from here.

So, here is to a messy, uncompleted entry for my loyal, imaginary readers. As it seems it was hard to begin, hard to write, and hard to end.

with that, I'm out.

Note: This entry was posted a day late due to internet connection failure.

Time for a lesson with a smile!

Who doesn't love geography? Wow, let me just say the Animaniacs were awesome. And don't get me started on the awesomeness of Pinky and the Brain.

well, it's a slow night tonight but I will be sure to write more in the near future.

I'm out, bitch. (cuz I am definitely, not rich.)

It's time to watch the news and open your eyes.

Readers, I ask you to open your eyes and look at the country you find yourself in.

These first 2 weeks of Sept. mark a year since H. Katrina, five years since 9/11, and months before midterm elections. Now more than ever, you must look at how your government officials have represented you. Note: most would say failed.

A year after the country's worse national disaster, a city is still in rumbles, dead remain unfound or await burial, people fear their home city will never be functional as it was (if it was), and the country still lacks a functioning approach to handle this disaster or future catastrophes that may occur. The blame and responsibilities have been passed around like a hot potato and it is time for some one to step up to the challenge, be it an organization at federal or state level. It isn't just about New Orleans though. Several areas faced severe natural disasters last year that need support.

I must say that after years of talk of the War on Terror, Op. Iraqi Freedom, National security, the "other" war, etc. we find ourselves with little results. We were told the war against Iraq was part of the war against terrorism and yet nothing could be heard of our progress in Afghanistan. Now called the 'other war' by the media, we are told that our troops will be met with more resistance there. In Iraq, our troops are part of a civil war (?) which results in Iraqi civilian casualties daily. There is no sign of leaving or giving the govt we helped establish full control of their own resources or troops. There is even the question of how we have made Iraq worse for its citizens and opened it up to more terrorist activity. Bush has gone on to deliver several speeches over the last few days about the need for continued support in the war in Iraq and against terror, wars that the majority don't believe we are successful in or should be in at all. And yet as we continue to fight terrorists, we still learn of more weaknesses in our national security.

Other issues like economy, social security, immigration reform and national borders, and education need attention. International issues are still there like Iran and its nuclear technologies.

Maybe, you don't trust polls and news programs that show only brief clips of stories you don't know the details for. Perhaps you look at the news and media as companies producing fear and distrust which I believe some are. Perhaps you don't know how many deaths have occurred because of these wars or how much they cost. Perhaps you are comfortable in your life ignoring these problems. You must open your eyes, question what you hear and what you don't, and you must vote in 2 months for those congress seats that will shape the next two years of our country. So, do a little research. It isn't just who is a Democrat or who is a Republican; it is about how they will react to these problems we face together or how they have proven they can't.

Some websites that might provide you with information:

The White House
U.S. Senate
House of Representatives
The New York Times
CNN

Please take the time to look at the bigger picture. Look at where our country is going. Question how the problems you ignore now while haunt you in the future (taxes, worse domestic policy, more American hatred). Hold accountable those who choose our actions.

In reading this, please know that I support our troops and the belief of freedom, and do not question those. I, as a citizen, question our leaders and how they have not acted to protect our nation, our troops, and its resources.

with that, I'm out.

Blogging to me.

I, like millions of people, play on myspace.com daily. (Feel free to click on the link featured on the right.) But, I haven't really found the blogging experience I was looking for. Most individuals don't utilize the blog feature, and it seems to have a touchy setup behind it. I love what blogging is about though. To me, it is sharing your view, message, and life with the world. It is the easiest way to be the writer you never knew you could be. I guess I would love to see more people interested in sharing themselves through words than risque- photos and crap slogans. I am curious about the random guy's view on government, society, life lessons, media/entertainment, etc. I hope that in your reading of my blog you find insight to who I am, what I enjoy, and how I see the world and the ripples I create in it. I don't see a blog as just a summary of the day's events, and I hope you don't see mine in that light. Please throw out comments about topics and interests, please send links of blogs that you find enjoyable. Now, more than ever, there are so many topics I want to share even if it is from the stand point of the random girl and her thoughts.

Blogging to me. Is it different for you?

Where did August go and is it time for fall?

People, August went by way too fast for me, and I believe I have a reason. I only had one job. It created a large amount of fake free time. Fake free time, you ask. Well, when the working slowed, the sleeping doubled. I slept through August, and maybe I was right to do so... it was hot. But I was still working and at a job 45 mins away from my current sleeping spot, a nice airmattress in an otherwise not nice place, the days were quickly gone none the less. (Shout outs to my brother for being the best roommate I have or will ever have though.) So, the florist gig didn't work out again. Somethings are meant to fall apart. I give myself a B for effort, but my interest for all things floral has not yet disappeared. So, there could be hope in the future. The living situation.... humm. While I get my act together and find an apartment that actually has a half decent management staff and a parking lot that doesn't look like it was featured in a scary movie, I am chilling in a little 2br apt with my brother. He is driven and busy. I am not. Because of our work schedules and the previously- mentioned sleeping, we really don't have time to have issues with each other. Not that we would, because my brother is driven, busy, the best roommate ever, AND he is laidback. So, we are cool. I was saying before: August was toasty. It was, and with no air in the truck on the drive to work, it made for torture. That phrasing there looks bad. Feel free to reread and clean it up in your head. But, there are signs that fall is slowing rolling in. And if by chance you have missed them, I am going to take a moment and point out the truly obvious ones for you. 1. You(I) can walk outside maybe once a week and not want to cry from the heat because you(I) feel a little breeze, a sign of good things to come. 2. TV shows are actually new and they have commercials everywhere telling you when they start up and when you can buy last season on DVD. 3. All magazines and retailers are parading fall lines with sweaters and jackets so stuffy that you could never attempt to wear them here for fear of drowning in your own sweat. 4. Said retailers are finally sold-out of the swimwear that went clearance in May/June; hope you won't need a suit til Feb. next year. 5. Some people just celebrated Labor Day by working for OT or shopping FALL sales, a true sign that fall is upon us.

Well, that was August, and Autumn nears. I must say this to me is the most romantic season and gives you just enough time to prepare for the endless stress of the holidays. People, tie an unneeded scarf around your neck, snuggle with your guy/gal, start budgeting for Christmas and for all the things you want for yourself that will of course go on sale, smile at the clouds, play in the cool rain, and wish for all the drama that is hurricane season to be over all the sooner.

with that, I am out!

It's the middle of the night and I think I might actually write.

So, it is the middle of the night, and I am tired but surely unable to sleep, so I was thinking of posting a string of short pointless blogs to get things rolling again. I hope anyone new to my blog takes some time to scroll through the year; it could be interesting perhaps. I do find looking back quite intriguing myself, because I frequently forget things that are recorded for me. Well, hope you enjoy!